FREE TO GOOD HOME

Carrie balled up her fist and pounded on the door. "Come on, Kirk! Get your sorry backside out of bed. You'll miss the lift-off."

She could hear movement inside the apartment. A crash and loud bout of swearing told her Kirk had moved the furniture again, forgetting to watch where he was going. Carrie rolled her eyes and suppressed a laugh, not wanting to draw further attention to herself outside a man's apartment at four in the morning.

"You're cruel, Matthews," Kirk grumbled as he opened the door, his brown hair towsled with sleep.

"Yup, that's me, Donovan. If you hadn't bought furniture three sizes too big for this dinky apartment, you wouldn't be limping." Carrie smiled without sympathy, watching him hobble as he traversed the maze of over-stuffed leather furniture.

"It was on sale," he muttered, stifling a yawn.

"Uh huh. You're adorable. Every woman's dream. A man who loves sales."

Kirk's gutteral snarl matched the black look he sent her way as he headed down the hall.

"Hustle, mister, hustle. We haven't missed a Dawn Patrol in three years. Where's that adventurous spirit I've come to love and admire?" Carrie's grin spread. She knew he'd get himself ready in time despite the belly-aching.

"Coffee. I need coffee. Why do you have to be so darned perky in the mornings?" Kirk growled ten minutes later, pulling his cut-off sweatshirt on over his shower-dampened body, the fabric catching where he couldn't reach.

His muscles rippled as he tried to twist around. Carrie's throat tightened. He affected her more than she wanted. No, she did want, but couldn't. Not yet.

"Even your ponytail looks perky. It's disgusting at this hour." His hand reached out to flip the ponytail in question.

"You big baby, you need a keeper." Carrie chided him as she darted out of his reach and turned him around to release the sweatshirt, her voice more curt than she intended.

"You're volunteering?" Kirk wiggled his eyebrows and grinned. "I'm adorable, remember? You said so."

Carrie ignored the tone in his voice. "All lumbering puppies are adorable. You remind me of the ones I deal with each day at the animal shelter. Helpless. In your case, hopeless."

"Can I get my name on the list for adoption?"

Carrie rolled her eyes, "Woof, woof. Come on, Kirk. I've got the big thermos and even some croissants. But you don't get any until we get to the park. You'll be wide awake by the time we walk there." She pulled him out the door and they began the two mile trek.

He was beginning to act almost human by the time they reached the park and made their way through the gathering throng of people. The loud roar of the burners and rapidly yelled orders of ground crews increased Carrie's anticipation for the giant hot air balloons to gently lift off. Five balloons were taking part this year in the Great Reno Balloon Race Dawn Patrol.

The sky was still black, faint stars twinkling. The music began, the haunting theme of 2001. Tow-lines were dropped and reeled in, the ascension began.

Once aloft, they looked like giant, lit christmas ornaments, suspended in the last of the night's sky. Even with the massive speakers booming out the music that wafted through most of northern Reno, there were gasps of awe, squeals of delight and applause at the magnificent vision.

When she started to raise her own hands to clap, Carrie realized one was caught in Kirk's gentle grip. Not wanting to explore how or why it got there she snatched it away, shooting a warning look at her longtime friend. She knew she shouldn't react this way, especially not with Kirk. He'd helped her so much in dealing with the attack. A man touching her, any man, still made her skin crawl.

Kirk firmly recaptured her hand. "Carrie, you've got to get beyond this. It's been two years. He's got a long time to go in prison. Not all men want to hurt you like Sam did."

"I am over it!" She replied hotly. Tugging at the grip, she felt the too familiar tremor of panic attempting to invade again.

"Sure you are. And if I put my arm around you, you're not going to just stand there like a statue? Or have a hissy-fit like you did at my office's party last month? Gimme a break, Carrie."

"And you're over Lisa, right?" She flung back. His silence told her she'd once again injured him, immediately sorry she'd uttered the words.

"If you'd been paying attention to more than yourself the past six months, yeah. It was one big illusion, Carrie. Anyway, she's married now, and I'm happy for her and me," Kirk's anger rose, his nostrils began to flare. He dropped her hand as if it burnt his flesh. "I've defeated my devils, Carrie. It's high time you did the same."

She knew he was right. This was her last hurdle to leap. Physical contact. Carrie wistfully remembered the relationship she'd had with Kirk before ... it seemed like centuries before. Before Carrie's stupid whirlwind involvement with Sam and Sam's well concealed tendency to beat people up when he got drunk. Before Carrie had become intimately acquainted with Intensive Care and the inside of an operating room.

Carrie let the activities at the park smother the feelings welling up inside. The over one hundred and fifty other hot air balloons now stretched out on the ground, their crews working to fill the giant envelopes for the coming races as dawn flooded the park.

Their morning together was over all too soon as they approached the apartment complex. She still didn't know how to define her feelings toward Kirk, but knew she must make every effort to mend the breach.

"I'm sorry, Kirk. Really." Carrie's soft voice was barely audible, "You've always been there for me, and I've not been very nice at times. I am over the attack, well, almost all of it." She smiled shyly and tentatively took his hand, her tiny one engulfed in his big one. He nodded and gave it a squeeze. She didn't pull away.

It was almost three weeks before Carrie was able to see Kirk again other than a passing wave at the apartment complex. The mixture of panic and thrill she'd felt at Kirk's touch kept haunting her. When was all this going to be over? Two years of her life had been spent wrapping herself within a protective cocoon. Not allowing even casual contact with men. But the strength and comfort she'd felt in his easy grip gave her a warm glow. She cared for him. More than she ever had before.

Knowing she was on the verge of ridding herself of these ghosts, Carrie's mind whirled making plans. She needed to get this past her, and quickly. Kirk was too handsome to be left unattended for long! And she wanted to be with him. Oh, how she wanted to be with him again. The possibility of losing Kirk sent a different type of panic through her. Hopefully it wasn't too late.

They played answering machine tag for two days before setting up a dinner date. Tonight she'd tell him. Elated, Carrie headed for that long awaited last session with her psychologist.

As she rose from her chair opposite Dr. Anderson to leave she grinned. This had been her final appointment and Kirk would be there to pick her up. They'd paint the town to celebrate.

"Now why are you grinning, Carrie?" Dr. Anderson asked, opening his consulting room door into the hallway.

"It's really over, isn't it?" her sigh of relief audible.

"Just about, Carrie."

"Just about?" she queried.

"It's an experience you'll never totally forget. You lived it, don't try to deny it happened. I think now you're ready to deal with it though. Enjoy life, Carrie. Kirk will help you with anything left over. Trust him. He really cares for you."

"Kirk's the reason I wanted to step up the appointments."

"I know, Carrie. I didn't think it was a good idea to cram six months of counseling into a few weeks, but you've handled it well. You have a definitive goal, and that's good."

Carrie shuddered as they began to walk the long hallway to his waiting room. "I've made his life hell with this, Doc. I really do care for him. But I knew he couldn't wait forever. It may be too late already."

"You work at the animal shelter; do you like dogs, Carrie?"

His abrupt change of subject startled her. "Wh...why yes. Of course I do."

"Adopt one. Lavish your love on it. It will give you love, unconditionally." He laughed at the confused look on her face. "If you and Kirk are meant to be, it will happen. In the mean time, get a puppy. They make great security blankets."

A wistful smile was on her face as she said her good-byes, shaking hands with the doctor and going into the waiting room. No Kirk. She glanced at her watch. It was well past the time for him to meet her here, a frown now creasing her brow. Carrie was positive she'd heard the distinctive jingle of the tiny bell on Kirk's keyring, but no one was in the waiting room.

Stepping into the hallway, she spied Kirk lounging against the wall next to the elevator, hands thrust deeply into his pockets, head bent. At her approach he looked up, almost guiltily shifting his gaze from her.

"You ok, Kirk?" Carrie looked up at him as he pressed the elevator button with more intensity than necessary.

"Yeah, yeah. I'm ok." His manner was distracted. "Let's get going," his voice was husky as he led her out to his car in the parking lot.

They hardly spoke more than a few words on the trip back to the apartments. Carrie was really getting worried now, this mood just wasn't like Kirk. And he kept glancing at her with this idiotic look on his face. What was up?

"Um. Carrie, I've ... uh, something's come up. Can I get a raincheck on dinner?" He wasn't looking at her now, a slight flush coming to his face as he checked his watch. "I've got to get somewhere before they close, and it's almost six now."

"Sure, Kirk." She wanted to ask, but knew he'd tell her in his own time. Getting out of his car, he gave her another of those quizzical looks and sped away.

Carrie was still trying to figure out the goofy look on Kirk's face and his strange actions an hour later as she wandered about the apartment, absently thumbing through magazines only to toss them down, flipping through the radio channels with a vengeance. She'd wanted to celebrate. But only with Kirk. And he wasn't here, dang his hide. Where was he? What was so important to break a date they'd been planning since she started the therapy sessions those many months ago?

The doorbell rang. A note slid under the door. Bending to pick it up, she immediately recognized Kirk's strong, bold handwriting. "FOR YOU, CARRIE, I'D WAIT. FOREVER."

Joy swept through her entire being, tears threatening, her heart pounding. He had been in the waiting room, he'd overheard her! Flinging open the door, her eyes widened in disbelief at the sight before her.

There was the man she now knew she loved with all her heart, cradling a wiggly golden retriever puppy in one arm, a hastily scrawled sign held in the other hand.

"FREE TO GOOD HOME, ONE LOVE-STARVED PUPPY AND HIS ADORABLE OWNER." The tears spilled as she looked up into his twinkling eyes. The sign drifted to the ground as he reached out and pulled her toward him. The puppy squirmed around and began licking their faces, tail wagging with unabashed joy. Carrie began to laugh and then turned to Kirk, more serious than she'd been in a long time.

"I love you, Kirk." It felt so good to say those words at last. Carrie's demons were dead now too.

His gaze searched her face, the tenderness for her shining in their depths. Slowly, his lips descended to her own. The firmness of his embrace gave her that rush of so long ago, not forgotten, just temporarily misplaced.

Please feel free to email me with your suggestions or critiques: Marge Parker

Return to my homepage